Lechery

– Posted by Anonymous

I’m out at dinner after a conference. The night is getting late fast because my professor is getting drunk fast. He’s my dissertation supervisor. He’s my boss. He’s shown a lot of interest in my work and looked out for me. But now he’s two bottles of wine deep, his partner at home, and he’s pouring himself over me. I’ve been talking to the person next to me at dinner, also a man. But now my professor has noticed, and he’s put his body between me and the guy. He’s calling me babe and rubbing my arms. He’s drunk as shit at this point, but he’s drunk as shit a lot.

It’s gross. I’m half his age, and he’s older than my father. I’m his student and his employee, and he can’t even see the inequality he’s perpetrating. It’s not the first time this has happened. I told him there was a power problem between us and that I didn’t like it when he touched me and said things to me. He put his hand on my thigh and said “it’s not like that with us.”

I feel manipulated. I feel like he can’t get beyond this way of treating me like a girl he wants to fuck. How can I trust him when he says my work is good when he’s trying to seduce me? How do I know when he’s paying attention to me because of my work, and when he’s paying attention to me because of my body? And how do I get him to hear me when I say no, given that he marks my work, that he writes my reference letters, that he writes my end of year reviews?

He really traffics in women – and young women in particular. He consumes them, like sexual treats that he goes through one after the other. Working in a graduate department he of course has access to many, many choices. I’ve seen his attention shift when a new young woman comes into the room. I’ve seen him hang on other women, drunk, grabbing them tightly, whispering into their ears while their faces go blank, waiting for him to stop.

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